Eternity
by Maria Arnt
Summary: As Rin grows older, her feelings for Sesshomaru also become decidedly more adult. But why does Sesshomaru vehemently resist her, even when she's no longer a little girl? Divergence from Manga, Sess x Rin
1. Prologue

_Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha, or any characters from that show. So sad._

She stared over the balcony down the sheer cliff face at the myriad of buildings below. It was a good drop, but she had been used to it for a long time now. She smiled as she remembered the couple times she even fell down it—only to be caught by _him _of course. She sighed though, as wonderful as the buildings were they had long lost their novelty, and the valley was much prettier before them. She had been excited, at first, thinking she would no longer have to be so lonely, but _he _explained that they couldn't get too close to anybody, lest they figure them out.

She closed her eyes, picturing the valley as it was before. It wasn't hard; it had been that way for a very long time. Trees had sprouted, grown tall, and died in that time. The buildings, it seemed, had been there for only the blink of an eye. How long had it been now? She knew the year was now 2006, but that didn't help much without a starting date. As near as she could guess, it had been a little more than 500 years.

Although her mate joined her silently (as always) she knew he was there. They stood like that for a few minutes, just together. After a couple centuries she had stopped being so chatty; there wasn't much they hadn't talked about. Or she had talked to him about, would be more accurate. She really didn't mind that he was so quiet, because that way when he spoke it was special, something she clung to. Like now.

"There is a festival in Tokyo today," he said simply, regarding her out of the corner of his eye.

She did not fail in her reaction. "_Really??_" she squealed.

He made no sign of affirmation, he knew she had heard him correctly. "You have one hour, my love."

He did not smile, but the affectionate let her know he was happy she was happy. She stood on her tiptoes and pecked his cheek, and then rushed to "her" room. They slept together, of course, in his room, but she was allowed too keep all of her clothes and things in another room. It made sense, as it was a very full room.

_Only one hour?_ she thought, staring at her wardrobe. And she knew she could only wear one kimono. He moved too quickly for anything else, and it was going to be warm. Biting her lip, she closed her eyes and reached out at random. As she opened her eyes, she smiled. It wasn't her absolute favorite, but it was his. Orange and yellow patterned itself in squares interrupted by alternate colors of circles. It was a replica of the yokata she had worn when she was a child, the first he gave to her. It had long worn out and been discarded, but the minute she mentioned that she missed it, an elegant, grown up version had shown up in her things. He always gave her gifts that way, quietly. She slipped it on because it was easier than carrying it, and walked over to the dresser and rummaged through her obis to find the green one. She set it on the table and stood before the mirror, shrugging off the yokata and undressing. She stared at her reflection, the same as it had been for ages, and remembered the little girl she had once been. She tied the yokata on, and held up the obi. There behind her, suddenly as always, was a servant. Numi was her name, and she was responsible fore her things. She deftly tied the obi, patting her gently afterwards.

"How shall I tell Suki you want your hair done?" she asked.

Rin glanced in the mirror for a little, but shook her head. "I'll do it myself. Thank you Numi."

The servants had bothered her at first, but as she watched the little badger-woman leave, she couldn't help but feel sorry for her. This was a haven for them now, those who could not adapt to human living in the modern world. She turned to the mirror, and fished in a small box for an elastic ponytail holder. Now this was one thing she liked about the modern era. Hair was so easy. She gathered a small section of hair from the side of her head, brushing it a little to make it cooperate, and tied it off. It wasn't exactly the same; her hair was pretty much all the same length now, but the effect was enough. She looked as close to when she was little as possible. Pleased with how little time she had taken, she rushed out to the main hall.

He was waiting, as usual. He had discarded the large armor and fur in favor for his plain outfit. He carried his sword proudly, remembering the days when he had not been "allowed" to. As he turned to look at her, he afforded her one of his very—very—rare smiles. A hand rose to her face, soft and gentle as always. He had already changed his appearance, the way he did when they went in public, and she silently wished he didn't have to. There was once a time when there was no one who could question him, but times had changed….

As if reading her thoughts, (and she often wondered if he could) he kissed her forehead. "It is time to go," he said simply. They stepped out of the front door, and she waved to the toady figure that closed the door. He simply snorted and went back into the house. She shrugged and turned around. He was holding the door to the limo open for her, he always insisted on doing that sort of thing himself. She got in, once again appreciating the modern conveniences. The drive to Tokyo was a long one, but patience was one thing the years had given her. When you had an eternity, a few hours weren't so bad.

At last they arrived at the festival. There were so many people, and all in traditional costume. Spying a girl in a beautiful white and purple kimono, she momentarily wished she had worn something a little nicer. However, some of her nicer kimonos were priceless antiques, and it would be just her luck that some collector would spot her. She fit in much better this way. As they neared the gates, a man called out for them to pause. They did, and he came running up to them, a bundle of pink ribbons in his hands.

"I'm sorry sir," he said, a little out of breath, "But it's a peace-tie. For safety." He nodded towards his own sword, which was tied shut with a similar ribbon.

There was no question in her mind that he was not going to put up with that. As he drew his sword, she almost flinched, and the man did visibly. However, he simply held it out to the man, as if displaying it.

"If you would inspect the edge of the blade…" he said, his voice an annoyed drawl.

The man bent over, staring at it. "Hmmm…" he thumbed the rounded edge were a razor should be. "A dulled blade, huh. No problem. Go right on in."

She could hardly suppress a smile. It was true, there was no cutting edge on the sword, but she would hardly call it dull. With that "dull" sword he could kill every person in the crowd with a single sweep… or bring them all back from the dead. He simply sheathed it, though, and they walked into the crowd. Festivals were one of her favorite things. Not only could they blend in perfectly (well, _he_ got a few strange looks) but there were so many fun things to do. After trying to knock over some glass bottles in the hopes of winning a rather large stuffed panda and failing miserably, she managed to wheedle him into trying. With a sigh, he half-heartedly tossed the ball, cleanly knocking the bottles off in one hit. The man who ran the attraction looked as if his eyes would pop out of his head. They all three knew the attraction was rigged—he had knocked the bottles off of a table they were glued to. She cheered, and the bemused man handed her the panda she pointed to.

As they walked through the festival, she noticed other couples, and it always seemed it was the guy hauling around the giant stuffed animal, but she didn't mind. The thought of _him_ carrying her panda was enough to make her giggle. Besides, he had his hands full. He had purchased a rather large box of Pocky and was now pensively munching away at the sticks, looking ever-so-bored as if they weren't his favorite food in the whole world. At some point he excused himself, probably smelling someone he needed to talk to.

She sighed. She had no one to talk to but him. It was pointless making friends, of course, for multiple reasons. Even if they didn't grow older than you in a few scant years, there was no one who could really relate to her, no one had lived through what she had….

"Oh, my god." A vaguely familiar voice caught her attention.

"Rin-chan??"

She turned ever so slowly to face whoever had said her name. No one knew her here. How could they? But as she turned she came to see a familiar face from long, long ago.

"Ka…Kagome??"

Suddenly the priestess she addressed went white. And it was no surprise, for there was her companion standing behind said priestess, looking none-too-friendly. He shifted towards her, but there was an almost indiscernible flash of pink light.

"Good to see your reflexes are as sharp as ever," he commented as he walked back to her side.

"Nice to see you too, Sesshomaru," Kagome said with just a hint of sarcasm.

Rin frowned a little at Kagome. "Why are you wearing priestess robes, Kagome? You haven't technically been a miko since—"

Kagome held up her hands. "Don't say anything!!! I have to explain something to you!"

Rin closed her mouth.

"You and Sesshomaru have lived through the 500 years from the Sengoku jidai?" she asked.

Rin nodded. "Yeah, from the Shogunate to the Meiji revolution to Nagasaki."

Kagome stared at her a moment. "You lived… through Nagasaki?"

She nodded solemnly. She had lost her only child there, though he had become an old man by that time. Being half-demon wasn't enough to save him, and Rin had been unable to have children since. It was years before they could go anywhere without making the people they came into contact with sick.

"Wow." Kagome was silent for a moment.

Rin frowned again. "But Kagome… you _died_…"

Kagome sighed. I suppose I do… did… eventually. Whatever. But before you say anything else, I need to explain this to you. The reason I was present in that time is because there is a well I go through, back in time. I time-travel. This is actually my time, the time I was born in. I still go back a lot, and so you can't tell me anything about what has happened for you that hasn't happened for me yet, because it will either totally destroy the space-time continuum or just make me totally insane."

Rin thought about that a moment. "Ok. I suppose that makes some sense."

"Hn." Sesshomaru offered.

Rin grinned. "Oh my god, though, Kagome, it will be so nice to have someone to _talk _to again!"

Kagome stared at her dumbstruck. "But … I just said…"

Rin waved a hand. "Don't worry. I won't talk about anything that happened before you died. Hope you like history though."

Kagome laughed. "Are you kidding, I'm getting a masters in Anthropology. Still…" she bit her lip, hesitant.

Rin sighed. "You have to talk to me, Kagome, you just have to. I haven't a soul in the world to talk to except Sesshomaru-sama, and … well… it would be nice if I had someone to girl-talk with, you know. There's nobody left who understands. No one who remembers what it was like." Rin paused, seeing the same loneliness she felt reflected clearly in Kagome's eyes.

"Besides," she continued, on a cheerier note. "We're practically family."

Kagome stared at Rin for a moment, dumbstruck. She looked from Rin to Sesshomaru, blinked a few times, and seemed to make the connection. But she still looked confused. She frowned, looking inward. Suddenly her eyes shot open and she gradually turned beet red.

"Oh dear," Rin said. "When… when exactly are you in the past?"

Kagome thought a little, "Well, it's been a few years since we defeated Naraku. I'd say you're about 14 or 15. Younger than you look now."

Rin's eyes shot open. "Ah. Well. You wouldn't know then, would you?"

Kagome smiled a little. "Well, it's not entirely surprising. This will just make the fights that much easier."

Rin laughed, and they chatted on. At some point Sesshomaru became bored and wandered off. Rin and Kagome talked all through the festival, marveling at the attractions and discussing the finer details of some obscure past event. Sesshomaru reappeared for the fireworks, quietly and unobtrusively sliding his arm around Rin's waist.

Kagome smiled a little. She knew, of course, from her timeline, that Rin had a thing for Sesshomaru. She had always seen Sesshomaru as a father figure to her, though, and had supposed that Rin had a rather severe Elektra complex. It made sense though, children were often betrothed to grown men in that day and age. She was happy for them, that they had so much time. Frankly, she was slightly jealous. After the fireworks, Rin scribbled down a telephone number and told Kagome to call whenever she felt like it.

On the ride home, they were quiet. It wasn't the same though, the silence was full. Rin scooted across the seat and leaned up against Sesshomaru, who put his arm around her. "What are you thinking, my love?" She asked quietly.

"I am remembering."

Rin almost asked if they were happy memories, but caught something in his voice. She looked up to find him already staring at her, a pain and age in his eyes that had nothing to do with the centuries he had lived nor the battles he had fought.

"You're thinking about hell again, aren't you?"

Rin suppressed a shudder. She only vaguely remembered hell, she had been dead for most of the time she had been there. It was an image that stayed with you, though. Hell was… well…

Hell looked a lot like Nagasaki.

Rin knew it was useless to tell Sesshomaru not to think about something, so she went with it. She snuggled up next to him, hugging her panda and wishing it was his pelt. "Tell me that story again, Sesshomaru-sama, about how you fought the master of hell for my soul."

It smacked of bedtime stories, and she knew it. She didn't care. Sesshomaru was everything to her, Father, Lover, Guardian, Friend, Mate. She liked to be loved that way—completely. In some small part of her heart she would always be that little girl traipsing barefoot after her fairy-tale hero.

"Well," Sesshomaru sighed, playing with her hair a little, "It all started when I went to my mother to see if she could help me perfect Tenseiga's attack…"

Rin brushed her fingers along the sheath of the sword her soul was inextricably bound to, and remembered….

_A/N: YAY! So here's my first post. Sorry about all the changes, trying to figure out how the site works and such._

_So… the story begins. Yes, I know that the original manga has now gone on in a direction that makes this story totally obsolete, but I DON'T CARE!!!! I will not sit by and wait two weeks for a stupid holiday in Japan while I wait to hear the fate of my second favorite character! I like this story, and I'm content to keep it as a divergence, or whatever. It's fun to write. _

_So, tell me what you think!!! _


	2. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha, or any characters from that show. So sad._

The first time Kagome remembered really getting to know Rin was a couple of years after they had defeated Naraku. InuYasha and Sesshomaru had been on good grounds—that is, they didn't try to kill each other whenever they met up. Occasionally their paths would cross, but not very often. Most of the time Kagome guessed that it was so Rin could have some human contact, especially with those her age.

Then suddenly, one day, Sesshomaru showed up out of nowhere, a very put-out and frazzled looking 13-year-old Rin clinging to his pelt. As Kagome was nearest, he addressed her.

"Miko," he said, his voice sounding irritated to the point that Kagome stiffened defensively. "You are a woman, correct?"

Kagome blinked twice and then got pissed. "Well, what does it look like to you, baka?"

Sesshomaru didn't even register the insult. "Talk to her." He pushed Rin forward, but not ungently. "I shall return in a week." And with that, he took off. Rin didn't even look after him. Sango had come out of Kaede's hut by this time, and Kaede was lingering in the doorway.

"What's going on?" Kagome asked, and instantly wished she had said it kinder.

Rin began to sniffle, twisting her face. "I don't know!!! Nobody will tell me! I think… I think I'm sick! Kagome, am I dying??"

Kagome allowed Rin to cling to her shirt, and patted her back awkwardly. "I don't know, Rin-chan…. What seems to be the matter??"

Rin sniffled for a moment, and looked around. She spoke very quietly. "I'm… I'm bleeding…"

Kagome was about to ask where when she put it together. Rin began to sob enthusiastically. "Oh, sweetie, it's ok. It's normal, you're not dying."

Sango had reached them by this time. "What seems to be the matter?" she said, always the sensitive one.

Kagome sighed and looked to her. "Rin here has just become a woman," she said, the euphemism totally uncryptic to the both of them.

"Ah…" Sango said, and patted Rin's head. "It's a good thing Sesshomaru-sama brought you. We'll have you feeling better in no time."

They turned to walk back to Kaede's hut, only to find InuYasha in the way.

"What's Sesshomaru's brat doing here?" he demanded.

Kagome was about to get mad at him for being insensitive, but Sango intervened. "Rin is going to be spending the next week or so with us girls."

InuYasha opened his mouth to protest but caught wind of something. He frowned at Rin and sniffed. His eyes widened a little. "Whatever, I'll be around." And with that he took off as if the devil himself were chasing after.

Sango and Kagome looked at each other, each trying not to laugh. When they got to Kaede's hut, she found the proper things and they had her cleaned up and marginally comfortable within the hour. Kagome returned to her time, but opted not to bring supplies as she didn't have much contact with Rin and it seemed better for her to get used to what they used back then. She did, however, grab her old sex-ed book and ask her mom for a few tips. She then baked a batch of really rich brownies (chocolate always seemed to help), and headed back. Rin devoured half the brownies and then sat down to read in the corner. Kagome was impressed with Sesshomaru for teaching her. She didn't know he had the time or the patience.

Rin studied the book for a long time. She must have read it three times, as if she were memorizing it. At last she set it down. Kagome came to sit next to her. "Any questions?" she asked, hoping against hope that she would say no.

"Are yokai … like humans this way?" she asked quietly.

Kagome flustered and looked to Sango, who came over and sat down as well. "Anatomically? More or less. The more human they appear, the more so." There was more, Kagome could tell, but Sango saw fit not to be explicit.

"What about… emotionally?" Rin asked.

Sango and Kagome stared at each other. Sango continued. "Well, like I said, that depends on what kind of yokai. It's a little harder to tell, though. Wolf demons, like Kouga, have very similar feelings to humans, plus a little fiercer loyalties. They are life maters. Cat demons, however—"

"Tell me about Inu yokai," Rin interrupted quietly.

Sango and Kagome looked at each other once more. Sango gave a shrug as if to say that there was no harm in her knowing.

"Inu Tai Yokai, which I am assuming you are referring to, are rather hard to crack. They are typically extremely loyal to their mate, and will stay with them their whole lives. However… they do tend to… uh…"

"Care about more than one person?" Kagome suggested, years of personal experience with this particular attribute behind her.

Sango nodded. "Yes. But that doesn't mean they love any of them less."

"Really?" Rin seemed to brighten. "So… say if there was this… this Inu yokai… and he had liked… this other yokai… but she's not around anymore… then it's still possible he could fall in love with someone else?"

Kagome sighed deeply. "Rin, you would be living in Kagura's shadow."

Rin blushed to the roots of her hair.

Sango thought a moment. "Does Sesshomaru know this?"

Rin shook her head fiercely. "No…"

Kagome frowned a little. "I'm not sure this is what you think it is…" she said kindly, but Rin just shook her head again.

"I know I love Sesshomaru-sama. I know it."

Sango smiled. "We weren't questioning that, sweetheart, it's just it probably isn't the same kind of love…"

Rin continued to shake her head. "No, it's just like the book said. I can't think about anything else. When he touches me, it's like I feel … sick or something, but not in a bad way. He's everything to me. He's all I have…." She trailed off, the concerned looks on the other women's faces deterring her.

Kagome sighed deeply. "Let me tell you an old, old story, about a girl. There was this king, you see, and he had a wife and a daughter. His daughter was named Elektra. While the king was away at war, his wife fell in love with another man, and plotted to kill the king when he came home. They did, and when Elektra found out she got so angry she killed her mother and her mother's lover to avenge her father. You see, she loved her father very much."

Rin nodded. "Did she _really _love her father?"

Kagome shifted uncomfortably. Leave it to Rin to be totally unfazed by a gory Greek legend. "Well, uh… there's some debate about that. But you see, that kind of feeling isn't normal for a girl to have about her father."

Rin frowned a little. "But Sesshomaru isn't my father. If he was, I would look like InuYasha."

Kagome almost laughed at that image. "Yes, but he raised you, sweetie. I think he looks at it that way."

Rin shrugged. "Well, I'll just have to ask him."

Kagome and Sango sighed in unison. This was not going to be easy…

When Sesshomaru returned in a week's time, Sango spoke to him for a while before they left.

"I think it would be wise if Rin spent more time with other people," she suggested. "She is human, and humans need other humans. Especially at her age."

Sesshomaru nodded. Sango's suggestion had been duly noted. He left with Rin, who had sufficiently calmed down, and said not a word.

InuYasha and Kagome watched them go. Kagome sighed.

"What's up?" asked InuYasha. He had steered clear of the hormonal Rin for the entire week.

"Rin has become very… attached… to Sesshomaru."

InuYasha nodded. "I wondered if that was why he was keeping her around. I'll have to pick on him about Dad some time."

Kagome shook her head, shocked. "It's not like that! Sesshomaru hasn't shown any kind of sign that he feels the same way, or anything."

InuYasha leveled his gaze at Kagome. "Does Sesshomaru strike you as the kind who _would_?"

Kagome paused. "Ah. But still… she's so young…"

InuYasha shrugged. "Okaa-san had me when she was 16, and she'd known Chichi-ue for quite some time before. I don't know how long they were… involved… but she couldn't have been much older than Rin is now."

Kagome blanched. Not only did what he say surprise her, but she was 20 now and she couldn't imagine having a child… much less all by herself.

InuYasha looked at Kagome, and seemed a little uncomfortable. "Anyway. Whatever." And he walked off.

Rin sat amongst the flowers, weaving one last chain. She finished it, and plopped it on her head. She had stopped putting them on Sesshomaru years ago. It just didn't seem… grown up. She looked at herself, as best she could. She wore a crown, a necklace, a bracelet, a ring and a belt of flowers. For the thirtieth time that day she wondered if Sesshomaru thought she was pretty. She looked over at him. He was lounging as well, gazing intently at a blade of grass as if it held all the mysteries of the world.

Rin sighed loudly, and noticed Sesshomaru pretend not to notice. "I wish I had someone to give me flowers…" she said mournfully.

"Hn." Sesshomaru said. "Why would you need that? There's a whole field of them here."

Rin sighed, exasperated. He was so dense sometimes…. "Well, yeah. But it's much nicer if someone _gives _them to you, you know? Like a gift, a kind gesture."

Sesshomaru let the blade of grass he was holding be taken away by the wind, and he watched it momentarily. Then, as if he did this sort of thing all the time, he plucked a single flower off the ground and tucked it behind Rin's ear.

Rin felt as if her heart was going to explode, and she knew she was blushing. Sesshomaru did not look away though; it almost looked like her reaction… amused him. She broke his gaze first, staring down at the flowers in her hands. "Sesshomaru-sama…" she said quietly, her heart in her throat.

"Yes?" he said, sounding slightly less than bored.

"Do you… that is…" she swallowed. "Do you think of me as your daughter?"

Sesshomaru considered the question. There had been a day when he thought he might answer yes, but ever since she had died that second time… it was something different.

"No." he said simply.

Rin felt her heart skip a beat, and she somehow found the courage to continue. "Then… what do you think of me as?"

Sesshomaru looked away now. "You are my ward, and I am your guardian."

Rin looked down again. "Nothing more?"

Sesshomaru paused. He did not like this conversation. It made him uncomfortable. "You are too young for anything else." He stood up, effectively ending the conversation.

Rin was a jumble of emotions. So she was just his ward? To say she was disappointed would be an understatement. But there was something about way he had worded that last sentence…. A tiny bud of hope grew in her heart. She would just have to wait and grow up, that's all. That shouldn't be to hard….

_AN:_

_Yay fluff! Ok, seriously. It seems like gag me with a 9-iron now, but just wait. I'm not into ecchi, and I can personally say that dating an older man at the age of 13 is a BAD IDEA. So, we wait. I feel bad that I didn't actually look up Elektra's parent's names but whatever. Makes it simpler. _

_As always, tell me what you think._


	3. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha, or any characters from that show. So sad._

When they returned to the modest mansion Sesshomaru had taken up living in after the defeat of Naraku, Rin was greeted with an unexpected surprise.

"A new kimono!!" she squealed, rushing up to the expanse of silk that hung off the display rack. "It's so beautiful! Oh! And it has long sleeves!!!" she fingered them gingerly, hardly believing it was real.

"It is a young woman's kimono, and you are of an age deserving it."

"Oh, thank you so much, Sesshomaru-sama!!" She ran over and hugged him. As usual, he did not respond in the least, but somehow it seemed more awkward to her than before. As if he wasn't just passively living it through but resisting it.

She pulled back slowly, and Sesshomaru was looking away. He made a small noise that might have been him clearing his throat. "This room, is also yours now." He gestured to the pallet, _her _pallet, on the other side of the room.

Rin stared. She didn't understand. She looked back to Sesshomaru, confused. "I'm not… you want me to… I'll sleep here?" she asked.

Rin had always slept in the same room as him, ever since they came here. She had her own bed, of course, but she had an understandable propensity for nightmares and she slept easier with him near. But now….

"As you are a young woman now, you will need more privacy. Do you not like the room?" Her expression concerned him. It had a lovely view….

She shook her head slowly. "No, it's very nice." She remembered her manners. "Thank you, Sesshomaru-sama." There was no adoration in the honorific, somehow. "This is… this is very kind of you." She walked back to the kimono, fingering it with a depressed look on her face. When she looked up, he was gone.

Sesshomaru sighed. Sango had warned him that it would be like this, that she would react unusually to things, become suddenly melancholy, but that had caught him off-guard. He didn't like to see her upset, and it damaged his ego to think there was nothing he could do. He just didn't get it. When he had gone through that phase of his life, things had not been so confusing. He had known what he wanted, and he had gone out to find it. Why did women have to be so confusing?

Sesshomaru awoke from his sleep suddenly, but knew not why. He had always been a light sleeper, but nothing seemed to be wrong. He couldn't smell anything dangerous, only the lingering scent of Rin's tears. Suddenly, a quiet keening sound made its way through the house. It sounded odd, as if smothered.

_Rin._

He panicked, and he hated it. He was on his feet in an instant, red rimming the edge of his vision. He would _not _risk losing her again. Not for anything. Not even for his own desires. He made his way through the mansion at breakneck speed but completely silent. He paused outside her door; there was no sound, and he smelled nothing. Was he too late? Suddenly she screamed again, the sound so near at hand hurting his ears and his heart. He threw the door open, to see her thrashing wildly. She fought… something invisible? He ran to the side of her bed, trying to figure out what to do.

It was then he saw her eyes were shut tight.

Yes, she fought something invisible: a nightmare. "Rin!" he took hold of her shoulders and shook her, not too hard, but hard enough that she woke. She stared at him unseeing a moment, tears welling up in her eyes.

Then he did something he did not expect; he pulled her tightly to him, his immense relief cracking his usually placid exterior. He had been so…

…_scared_. And he hated it. He hated himself, hated his father, hated this world, hated everything, everything, _everything_… except the small sobbing human girl he foolishly held to himself.

Fortunately she was crying too hard to notice his break in character. He smoothed her hair rhythmically, loosening his hold on her.

"Shh, Rin, it was another nightmare." She was the only person he dared be tender around.

Rin sobbed. "I was so scared! I… I was in hell again" her voice hitched, "And it was awful… and, and _nobody came for me!!_" The last evolved into another keening sound. "Nobody cared!!!"

"I would go back for you a thousand times." He said quietly, and she suddenly quieted. He used the pad of his thumb to wipe away her tears, and pushed the damp hair from her face.

She sniffed. "I'm so lonely here, Sesshomaru-sama… so lonely…"

Sesshomaru's heart twanged unpleasantly. Sango was right. He wasn't enough: she needed humans. He just continued to smooth her hair. When at last she had calmed, he laid her back on her bed, and moved to get up, lost in his thoughts.

Her small hand caught the crook of his elbow just above where his left arm ended. In a few years, it would have been his hand she caught.

"Please don't leave me all alone, Sesshomaru-sama…. Please…." She looked up at him with her liquid brown eyes, and he felt the tug of that old familiar weakness. There was nothing he could deny her, especially happiness. He laid down next to her, his right arm holding her to him.

"Go to sleep," he commanded.

So she did.

Rin slept the rest of the night without dreams, and awoke to one. She was greeted by the image of a still-sleeping Sesshomaru lounging beside her. She loved to see him sleep, and had made herself rise early to see it for years. It was pleasant to see his relaxed face. He looked… happy, content. Perfect, as always. She silently hoped that one day she could make him look that way at her.

As she woke she realized something else. In his rush to rescue her from her nightmare, he had neglected to throw on a shirt. She sighed deeply. From Hell to Heaven and a single night…. His arm was still wrapped around her and she thought very adult thoughts about how else they might have ended up like this.

Sesshomaru's eyes shot open, and Rin pouted inwardly. He usually didn't wake for another twenty minutes or so. She shut her eyes quickly and pretended to be asleep, but it was useless. He had already seen her. He seemed to play along with the ruse, though, for he gingerly extracted himself from her bed and walked out of the room silently. The absence of his warmth and presence made her shiver.

Sesshomaru shook himself as he walked down the hallway. That girl tended to make him sleep deeper, and it took longer to rid himself of the grogginess. What had woken him though….

_Kami_ she had smelled so good. She smelled like a woman. At first he thought she was awake, but when his eyes cleared she was sleeping. And he realized why she smelled good, and knew that he had better leave _now_. Even now her scent lingered on his senses, playing tricks on him, tugging him back to her. He always hated it when his instincts made things … difficult. He grabbed a shirt on his way out to the courtyard. What he could use now was a good cold soak, but sword practice would have to do.

_AN:_

_Men are so DENSE sometimes. Lol. This was originally two chapters, but I stuck them together because the first was really short. The sections on this one were a little shorter, and it kind of annoys me, and if it bothers you tell me and I'll keep that in mind for future reference. Tell me what you think!! I love those reviews… that I haven't gotten yet… because this has been up for what? looks at clock an hour? Anyway, can't wait to hear from y'all._


	4. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha, or any characters from that show. So sad._

Rin lay there a few more minutes, trying to let sleep reclaim her. She was, of course, sad that Sesshomaru had gone, but she was still a bit giddy from the whole thing. But she was awake, and so she got up. She walked over to the kimono, running her hand over the smooth silk. _I will wear this today_, she thought, _and we'll see what happens. _She carefully slid it off the rack, as if it would break. She slid it on, and then looked around for something to tie it with. A servant came forward, and she just about jumped. It always creeped her out how they always knew when you needed them before you asked. It was like they were always watching her. She blushed a little, thinking about what that would entail should she succeed with Sesshomaru. She shook it off though.

By this time, the tanuki-yokai was just finishing tying her obi. She began to bunch it up for a bow, and Rin had an idea.

"Um," she said, feeling awkward that she didn't know the racoon's name. "Could you tie it differently? Like… you know… with the ends down long?" She bit her lip.

The little raccoon woman smiled just a little bit and nodded. They both knew that how you tied your obi was more important that most people thought. The bow she usually wore was meant to make her look cute. But what she had suggested was supposed to make her look attractive.

The raccoon disappeared for a moment, coming back with a little stuffed piece to support the obi. She tied it around her waist, tucking the ends under the front of the obi, and then arranged the back so that the ends crossed over. She patted Rin's arm and made to leave.

"Uh…" Rin stopped her. "May I ask what your name is?"

The raccoon stopped and turned around. "My name is Suki, Rin-sama."

_Lady_ Rin; now that was new to her. Was that how Sesshomaru referred to her when she wasn't around? She supposed she was a young woman now.

"Suki… don't you mind that I'm human?" It was a question that had been bothering her for some time.

Suki chuckled happily. "Of course not, my lady. 'Tis not such a thing as your lord makes it out to be. It's just… for Tai Yokai, the hanyous are a bit more obvious. Stronger Youki will do that, you know? For us lower demons, it's hardly a problem. And for foxes and raccoons, those of us who can transform, it's common. The little tykes can figure out how to make themselves look completely human better than we can." She shook her head as if this were funny.

"Besides. When Lord Sesshomaru went a-hunting for servants, he made to pick those that were only human-friendly, so as to keep you safe from harm." She smiled, patting her arm once more.

"I suppose that makes sense…" Rin thought.

Suki smiled and chuckled again. "Would you like to put your hair up?"

Rin smiled. "That would be great!"

The raccoon helped her to pile her hair into an elegant bun, and fished out a comb from somewhere to secure it.

"I don't have any pins to give you, but you look pretty enough as it is." She looked Rin over, nodding with approval. "Now go out and see if you can't cheer up that sullen dog, will you?" she shoved Rin towards the door playfully, making Rin giggle.

As Rin walked through the house, she carefully decided what she would say. She had it all figured out by the time she got to the courtyard, and slid open the door. All of the words rushed out of her head, and she slowly felt a blush come to her cheeks. Waking up next to him without a shirt on was somehow less than seeing him practice without it. He moved as if unreal, through the motions as if he were fluid. A slight sheen of sweat shone on his skin, accented by the golden morning light. Suddenly he stopped, aware of her presence.

He turned slowly. _Kami_, he thought, _She still smells like that. Is she going to smell that way all the time now?_

Rin cleared her throat, nervous because of the intense look he regarded her with. "Uh… what do you think?" she held out her arms and twirled a little.

"It looks nice," he said absently. _She didn't smell like that last night, though. Maybe it's just the mornings… I can stay away from her in the morning… right?_

"Sesshomaru-sama… do you think I'm pretty?" The words came out of her mouth before she could think about them.

He stared at her. How was he supposed to answer that? He was so distracted by the way she smelled he was having difficulty thinking of an ambiguous answer that wouldn't hurt her feelings.

Rin shifted uncomfortably. He was simply staring at her… why didn't he answer? "I mean…" she was becoming more uncomfortable by the minute. "I mean, for a human, that is." She stared at her feet.

Sesshomaru let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. "Perhaps it would be better if you asked a human that question," he said non-commitally.

"Oh." Rin said quietly.

Sesshomaru wiped his blade and sheathed it, shrugging on his shirt and walking towards her. "Would you like it if we had company here?" he asked quietly, remembering that she had said she was lonely.

"I suppose that would be nice…" She did not look up.

He nodded. "I'll send Jaken to invite my half-brother and some of his friends to come and visit. I'm afraid I must go away for a while…" she looked up at him quickly, and he looked away. "There is something… I must do…"

"I see." Rin said quietly. Without another word she turned around and ran back to her room, and he could smell the tears welling in her eyes.

Sesshomaru sighed deeply, sitting down on the porch with a little less grace than usual. He _had _to get out of here. He had to get away from her, so he could think. Otherwise, he was afraid he might do something… rash. He ran his hand through his hair, thinking. If only his father were still alive…. Of course, he would be laughing. Sesshomaru had tried to kill him when he found out about Izayoi, and had threatened to attack her. He'd gotten pissed at that, which had made Sesshomaru angrier. Now he understood his father's ire, though.

Sesshomaru's mother and father had never gotten along very well. Oh, they loved each other, and they had great chemistry. But they fought. A lot. And sometimes, it got bloody. Mostly, they fought about him. He said Sesshomaru needed to learn to be compassionate, needed something to fight _for_, blah, blah, blah. She said he was making him soft, and that he needed to hone his instincts more, to detach himself from his emotions. Eventually, his father left. His mother got her way. But when Sesshomaru had found her crying one day about something (which was incredibly rare) that was the end of the line. He confronted his father, and from then on there was a rift between them that did not heal before his father's death. If anything, it made it worse. The fact that _that woman_ had caused his death was the main reason he had hated InuYasha in the first place.

_Instincts or Emotions?_ He asked himself, wondering whether he should take his mother or his father's advice. Of course, his mother's _lack _of advice had almost gotten Rin killed. He fingered the sword at his side, and wondered if he would ever be able to tell Rin the truth. Probably not. He wouldn't want her to feel trapped, or as if she owed him a debt. So, instincts or emotions? With despair he realized that both were telling him they wanted the same thing.

_Rin_.

_AN:  
_

_Short chapter, I know. I'm sorry. But there is good stuff in the next chapter, and I'm sure you'll like it. Blah. That is all I have to say. Tee hee I like making Sesshomaru awkward…. skips off laughing maniacally_


	5. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha, or any characters from that show. So sad._

Over the next few years, Sesshomaru went on many such trips. More often than not, it was only Kagome and Sango who came to visit. They managed to entertain themselves well enough, and sometimes Kagome would bring games from her world for them to play. Each time Sesshomaru returned, he brought a gift for her. Sometimes he would just leave them in her room. The first time he returned, it was late at night. He snuck into her room at night and watched her sleep for a few moments. Of course, Rin was not asleep but she wasn't going to let _him _know that. He set something on her dresser and then left. When she awoke in the morning she found an expensive, high-quality mirror, the likes of which she had rarely seen.

_Why would he get me a mirror?_ She wondered. Then she realized he thought the reason she asked if she was pretty was because she didn't know. She sighed. Oh well, it was very nice.

One time, after she had had a particularly bad few nights, he returned with a gift he gave to her personally.

"A _doll_?" Rin asked incredulously. She had never liked dolls, even when she was little. And this doll was… well it was kind of creepy.

"It's not for you to play with," he explained. "You're to put it near your pillow when you sleep. It will steal your nightmares."

And it worked. As long as she kept the doll near her head, she had only pleasant dreams. Which meant, of course, that Sesshomaru never came to rescue her in the middle of the night anymore.

And she couldn't even talk to Kagome and Sango about her problems with Sesshomaru. For some reason, it seemed to bother them that she liked him. Then, out of nowhere, Kagome changed.

They were playing with little slips of paper with numbers and shapes on them, and Kagome was trying not to win again.

"Your turn Rin!" She said happily. Rin stared at her two cards, and then at the piles of them in front of her. She carefully laid down a card, and then sat back.

"Ok, Sango," she said quietly.

Kagome sighed deeply. "Rin! You could have moved that whole pile over and then played your last card! You could have won!"

Rin sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm not paying attention. I'm just… kind of preoccupied." She looked out the window.

"You're thinking about Sesshomaru aren't you?" Kagome asked quietly.

Rin looked back and blushed. "How did you know?"

Kagome smiled "I have a little brother about the same age as you. He looks that way when he's thinking about this girl he has a crush on."

"Looks what way?" Rin asked, flustered.

Sango laughed. "Pathetic. My brother does the same thing, too. Or did, before he finally asked Akami if he could court her. But he's a little older."

Rin looked between the two. "But… I thought you said I shouldn't…"

Kagome smiled at her a little. "Maybe we were wrong. You guys have been through a lot together. I thought it was just a little crush, but if you've held on to it this long, well…." Kagome trailed off. Rin got the impression there was something more Kagome wouldn't say, but didn't ask.

Rin sighed, relieved that she could finally talk to them. "I don't know what to do. I feel like he's getting farther and farther away. First I had to have my own room, and now he keeps leaving more often, and I don't know why. He gives me all these wonderful things, but I can't help thinking he's trying to replace himself with them." Her eyes went wide. "What if… what if he's going to leave forever?"

Sango smiled and Kagome patted her hand. "I don't think he'll be doing that," Kagome reassured her. "Have you tried talking to him about it?"

Rin sighed again. "I did, once. He had said that I was his ward, nothing more. That I was too young to be anything else to him."

Kagome frowned. "When did you talk about this?"

Rin thought a moment. "About 3 years ago."

Kagome and Sango blinked furiously.

"Maybe you should try talking about it again, since it's been so long," Sango suggested.

Rin nodded.

Sesshomaru stared through the night air at the small stone structure. There was nothing here, he knew, but it comforted him. He liked to think that he somehow could reach his father through his grave, try to understand how he had managed. Surely he had worried that Sesshomaru or his mother would have threatened Izayoi's life, even before Sesshomaru proclaimed it. What he dealt with was even harder. He didn't understand why things were this way for him, but he wasn't going to risk it again. Not with her.

Sesshomaru tensed, feeling a presence behind him, but the wind told him it was not a threat.

"Hey bro. Watchya doing?" InuYasha asked tentatively. There was a day that he wouldn't have dreamed of addressing Sesshomaru as family, much less so casually.

"I am praying." Sesshomaru said curtly.

InuYasha sat down next to him, and rested a hand on the grave. "Hey there, old man." He was quiet for a moment. "He would be glad, to see us like this."

Sesshomaru nodded. "That he would."

They were silent a while longer. At last InuYasha turned to face Sesshomaru. "Y'wanna talk about it?"

Sesshomaru sighed. He was not one to talk, but what the hell. InuYasha must be as much like their father as he was, and much more in touch with humans.

"You and the priestess…" he started, getting his footing so he didn't feel so vulnerable. "There is… a bond between you, ne?"

InuYasha nodded. "We don't talk about it much, but yeah."

"And yet, you are not … bonded." He suggested.

InuYasha smiled. "And how would you know?"

Sesshomaru allowed himself a smile, and saw his brother grow uncomfortable. "Besides the fact that she doesn't smell like you that way? I've seen her neck. No scars."

InuYasha's eyes went wide, and he blushed.

Sesshomaru looked away to give him some dignity. "You may not have known, but you've thought about it haven't you?"

He heard InuYasha nod.

"Why are you not bonded?" he asked.

InuYasha shrugged. "Kagome will lose a few of her powers. She says she's got a few more things she needs to do, but for now I can wait."

Sesshomaru frowned a little. "How? How can you stand it? The way she smells, all around you?"

InuYasha chuckled. "Well, for once I think there's an advantage to being a hanyou. My nose isn't as keen, and my instincts are easy to ignore. But why would you need to? What's stopping you?"

Sesshomaru sighed, and ran a hand through his hair—his left hand, which was only half an inch from complete and looked much like a human hand. "Well, for one, I think she's too young."

InuYasha raised his eyebrows. "Rin? I dunno. She's what, 16? I mean I'm not saying you should get too involved, but there's nothing wrong with showing her a little attention. Take it slow."

Sesshomaru leveled his iciest gaze at his half brother.

"Ah. Not sure you could?"

"I am quite sure that would be the only torture more exquisite than the one I am in now, should I accomplish it."

InuYasha nodded. "So how long are you going to wait? She's human, you know, she won't live forever."

Sesshomaru nodded. "That's the thing, though. I worry that if I…" Sesshomaru looked away, unable to put it into words.

"I don't want to hurt her." He said quietly.

InuYasha thought a moment. "Okaa-san didn't—"

"That's not what I mean, baka. I … I think I'm cursed."

InuYasha frowned. "How? By who?"

Sesshomaru shook his head. "I don't know. It's just, Sara… and then Kagura…" He explained it to InuYasha, who seemed to take it well.

"But you don't _know _that. You did everything you could to save them, right?"

"Of course I did!" Sesshomaru raised his voice a little. "But therein lies the problem. Tenseiga couldn't bring them back." He put a hand to his sword. "And I don't know what the repercussions would be now…"

InuYasha frowned. "What do you mean?"

Sesshomaru drew the sword in question, moonlight gleaming off the unsharpened surface. "This sword…contains Rin's soul."

InuYasha stared. "How?"

Sesshomaru stared at it himself, holding it as if it would break. "When I fought the master of hell and won, I was given her soul. I couldn't put it back in her body, because she couldn't hold it in hell. Nor could I leave hell with the soul in my hands. Tenseiga was all I had that I knew would not perish. That I knew would always be safe."

InuYasha was silent for a moment. "Have you thought maybe… that that is why you…"

"The thought has crossed my mind. But no." He sheathed the sword. "I believe it has more to do with who Rin is than with where her soul lies."

InuYasha nodded. "Yeah… I know exactly what you mean…"

Sesshomaru sighed again. "I just couldn't stand losing her again."

They both stared at the grave.

Rin and Kagome greeted a returning Sesshomaru and—surprisingly—InuYasha with as many towels as they could find. It was a torrential downpour outside. Sesshomaru watched amusedly as InuYasha went for the quicker method, shaking himself off. Of course he would eventually do the same thing, but not in front of _anybody._

"You may stay the night, since there is a storm," Sesshomaru announced to his guests.

"Thank you," Kagome said, and then dragged InuYasha forcibly from the room, much to his protest.

Rin stared at her feet a moment. "How was your trip, Sesshomaru-sama?"

"It was… productive." He stood there a moment, and then, suddenly remembering, fished something out of his sleeve and handed it to her.

She opened the slightly dampened box to find a jeweled pin for her hair. It was beautiful, and she fingered it gently. "Thank you. You didn't have to."

Sesshomaru said nothing.

Slowly, as if it were someone else doing it, she wrapped her arms around his soaking figure.

"Rin, you will ruin your yokata," Sesshomaru said stiffly.

"I don't care. Why do you leave so much? Don't you like my company anymore?" She refused to let go, but it took only the slightest of efforts for him to peel her arms off of him.

"My company is, I think, not the best thing for you." Sesshomaru said kindly.

Rin stared at him, horrified. Her hand went to her mouth, and she looked as if she would faint. She shook her head a moment, and then turned and ran, dropping the pin as she went.

Sesshomaru cursed quietly, and went to find Kagome, following his nose. InuYasha was with her, so he cleared his throat loudly before entering. They were on other sides of the room, though.

"What is it?" Kagome asked, and Sesshomaru wondered what he must look like.

"I would appreciate it if you would go talk to Rin," he addressed Kagome. "I may have said something to upset her."

Kagome thought a moment. "She would do better if you went yourself," she suggested.

"Just go, Kagome." InuYasha said, a little rough, surprising her.

"…right." Kagome got up and made her way to Rin's room.

Sesshomaru nodded to InuYasha in thanks and he nodded back.

Rin held the knife in shaking hands, staring at it. Sesshomaru would probably come and revive her, she knew, but still….

…part of her didn't want him to. What would be the point? She took a deep breath, and raised the point to her neck. She closed her eyes, and thought of Sesshomaru, of the way things might have been. And she pushed.

After a moment, she opened her eyes. What was going on? Why didn't she hurt? She couldn't breathe quite right, but other than that she felt just fine. A hand traveled from the hilt, to feel the situation out. There was the blade, and there was her skin. Why was there no blood? What the _hell_???

Suddenly a woman screamed. She turned to see that it was Kagome.

"What in God's name are you doing, Rin???" She demanded, rushing forward and yanking the knife out of Rin's neck.

Rin began breathing again, staring at her hands. Why? Why was she still alive? "What just happened?"

"You tried to kill yourself, that's what happened!!!" Kagome yelled.

Rin snatched the knife from Kagome's hand, and pushed it to her finger. To her shock, it bled, and it hurt. She dropped the knife, and her finger flew to her mouth.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!?!" Kagome demanded again.

"But I didn't bleed before!!" She said. "Why? Why can't I die, Kagome?? Why???" She broke out into sobs.

Kagome went wide-eyed, and wrapped her arms around Rin instinctively, patting her back. "I don't know sweetie, you just can't. You can survive things that no one, not even a Yokai should be able to."

Rin sniffed.

"But why would you _want _to die?" Kagome asked softly.

She began to sob again. "Sesshomaru-sama… doesn't… want… me! He… doesn't … even… want… to … be …around me anymore!!!!"

Kagome sighed, and was glad that Rin couldn't see her smile. "Oh, honey, that's not true. I'm sure Sesshomaru doesn't feel that way. I think you're taking it all wrong."

Rin shook her head. "No, he said so himself. He said his company wasn't good for me or something! He just doesn't want to hurt my feelings. He doesn't want me to know that he can't stand me!!!"

Kagome pulled Rin away from her so that she could look her in the face.

"Listen to me Rin. Without a doubt in my mind, Sesshomaru likes to be around you more than anybody else in the world. I don't know why he is avoiding you so much, but I'm sure that's not the reason. He probably just thinks you're still too young."

Rin sniffed. Kagome looked like she knew what she was talking about. "How do you know, Kagome?"

_Shit._ Kagome scrambled for a reason that wouldn't screw anything up. "The way he looks at you." She said simply.

"But… Sesshomaru doesn't… show that sort of thing," Rin questioned.

_Damn_. "It's uh… because I'm a Miko. I can just tell that sort of thing."

"Ok." Rin took it at face value.

Kagome convinced Rin to lay down and take a nap, to calm her nerves. She then carefully hid the knife, just so Sesshomaru wouldn't find out. She stared out the window at the pouring rain. When she got back….

Once Kagome got back to Edo, she went straight home. InuYasha was irritated that she wouldn't let him come along, but she explained that she had to do something personal and very girly. He looked suspicious, but resentfully agreed. She hopped into the well, and went into her house. Thankfully everyone was gone. Sota was most likely out playing soccer, and mom would probably be shopping. She affectionately touched the picture of Jii-chan as she passed by his little shrine on the way to the phone and dialed the operator.

"Hello? Yes, I'd like to make a collect call to Toyama Prefect. The number is…"

"Yes, I'll take the charges," Rin said softly. There was a clicking noise. "Kagome?"

"Arg! Rin I'm going to strangle you!!!" Kagome said, her voice not too aggravated.

Rin laughed. "Oh dear, what have I done now?"

"You tried to fricking kill yourself!" she replied.

Rin smiled. "Ah, yes. I remember that." She paused a moment. "Ah, so that's how you knew about Sesshomaru."

Kagome rubbed her temples. "This is getting so confusing." She laughed a little.

"If it means anything to you, you made a huge difference. I was totally lost, and you gave me hope," Rin offered.

Kagome sighed. "It does help."

"Especially those letters."

"What?" Kagome asked.

"Whoops, never mind. That was another week or so. You sound like you just came from the scene of the crime," Rin smoothed it over.

Kagome frowned. "No, wait. I think you're supposed to tell me. I have no idea what to do, and that doesn't sound like something I'd do."

Rin sighed. If Kagome was ok with it, so was she. "Well, you wrote two letters; one to me, and one to Sesshomaru-sama. The one you wrote to me said that I should wait a few years before I asked Sesshomaru anything, or tried to catch his attention, or anything like that. You convinced me that that way he would miss it, and eventually react. However, to Sesshomaru you wrote that he should spend more time with me for my happiness' sake, and promised that I would not "bother" him so much. It was quite clever, actually."

"Ah." Kagome tried very hard not to think about where the idea originated, and chalked it up to the omniscient being her Christian friend went on about. "'k. That makes sense. Oh, and one more question."

"Yes?" Rin smiled.

"Why don't you bleed all the time?"

Rin sighed. "Well, it gets complicated. You'll find out why eventually, but basically I can't be hurt if it would endanger my life. But little pricks and such, and… other things… which you will also find out about, can draw blood."

Kagome shook her head. This was a bit much. "Ok… well… I guess I'll get to those letters."

"Thanks a bunch, Kagome! Good luck."

"Bye." Kagome said, and hung up the phone. Now where was that asprin…?

_AN:_

_cringes at horrible exposition skills I always seem to give too much away… sigh I also wanted to make the suicide creepier and failed miserably. Tips would be greatly appreciated. Oh, and Kagome calls Rin collect because it's long distance and Sesshomaru is frigging rich and wouldn't blink at a long distance bill. Rin insists on it. Thought I should explain that._

_Stick around next chapter for some fabulous Lemon-flavored UST!!! And please comment._


	6. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha, or any characters from that show. So sad._

Rin finished messing with her hair, admiring the way the new hair ornament Sesshomaru had gotten for her went with her kimono. Yesterday was her twentieth birthday, (Assuming she had turned 7 the day Sesshomaru revived her) and he had given her several things. _At this rate_, she thought, _I'll have more kimonos and accessories than the empress. _She sighed. Things were good between her and Sesshomaru; he certainly wasn't as stiff and uncomfortable around her as he had been, but still.

He still hadn't done anything.

Rin silently wondered how long Kagome's methods were going to take. Or if they were going to work. Rin studied herself in the mirror, thinking about her friends. Kagome was with InuYasha now, and twice as happy as ever. Sango had two little boys of her own, and was just getting her first wrinkles. _I wonder when I'll get wrinkles…_ Rin thought. Would Sesshomaru still find her attractive? Would he even _do _anything before that happened???

Suddenly Rin realized something strange. For the past three years, she had looked exactly the same. Of course, she had always looked like _her_, but the resemblance was uncanny. All the humans she knew, and even InuYasha to some extent, changed from year to year. Looking in her mirror, she might have been looking at her 17-year-old self. She set the mirror down carefully, her hands shaking. If she wasn't getting older, how was she supposed to become old enough for Sesshomaru? What the _hell _was going on? Frustrated, she threw a box of hair pins across the room. She stood up quickly, and took off for Sesshomaru's study. When she reached the door, she threw it back, nearly knocking it out of it's frame.

"Why don't I get any older?" She yelled.

Sesshomaru looked up from the border report he was reading at the furious Rin. She had done herself up with yesterday's presents, and had even rouged her lips a little. That was a luxury he had torturously afforded her last year. Now, fired up about something as she was, she looked absolutely… stunning.

He blinked. She had asked him something. "What?" he asked, setting the scroll down.

"Look at me!" she yelled.

How could he not? He wondered sardonically.

"I look the same as I did when I was 17! I am asking you why that is!"

Sesshomaru pretended to rearrange the papers on his table so he could look away from her. He had wondered that himself, why suddenly, when he had wished that she stop getting older, that she stay at her full perfect bloom, she just _had_.

"Would you like to become old and gray?" He asked in response.

Rin stopped suddenly, calming. Would she? "Well… no… I don't suppose so."

"Would you like to look any older?" he continued.

Rin shrugged. "Maybe. Just a little. It's just… you still haven't answered my question!" Rin realized that Sesshomaru had just used his famous conversation-diverting skills.

Sesshomaru sighed and stood up from the table. He had been avoiding this day. He walked over to the stand he placed Tenseiga in when he was writing. "You remember hell?" he asked quietly.

Rin shuddered. "Yeah… sorta…"

Sesshomaru brushed a hand against the sword before picking it up and unsheathing it. He walked to her, holding out the blade. She took it, staring at it.

"When I defeated the Master of Hell I was given your soul. To preserve it so we could escape, I placed it in this sword. Your soul is here, Rin." He placed a few fingers on the blade, and she felt a strange sense of connection to him. "It would appear that somehow I have some control over your physical being. It was I who wished you to no longer age."

Rin frowned, her fingers tightening around the unsharpened Tenseiga. "Then you mean to keep me a child forever??" she demanded.

He dared to look into her eyes. "You are not a child. You do not look like a child. Go to your room, and look at yourself; truly look at yourself. You have not been a child for some time." He gently pried Tenseiga from her fingers. "Go. I have work to do."

Rin walked slowly back to her room. So her soul was in Tenseiga. That made a lot of things make sense. Like why she couldn't die. Her soul wasn't in her body, and Sesshomaru didn't want her to die. But if she looked this way because Sesshomaru wanted her to… then that meant she looked exactly the way Sesshomaru liked. He _must _think she was beautiful if he didn't want her to change even a little bit. She smiled slyly, but then it softened. Sesshomaru _owned _her soul, she thought. In at least one way, she was already his.

She went into her room, and closed the door. She latched it shut, something she never did. She then walked to her dresser, carefully taking all of the ornaments out of her hair, letting it down. She then carefully untied her obi and slipped of her kimonos, setting them aside. Lastly, she removed her under-yokata and personal clothes, as if she were going to take a bath. She then picked up her mirror, held it at arm's length, and looked at herself. _Really _looked.

He was right.

Where once there had been a child's body, there was now a woman's. Curved and shapely and perfect. Kagome had explained it all away, saying that the changes she was going through were part of becoming a woman. But now, she realized, she was not becoming a woman, she _was _a woman.

And so she would do something about it.

Years ago, when Kagome had suggested that she play hard-to-get, Rin had secretly asked InuYasha whether he thought it would work, guessing he would know his brother better.

He had thought about it a moment, and for a while it seemed he would not say anything. When at last he spoke, he suggested that she at least try it.

"However, if that doesn't work…" he said warily. "My brother isn't much for words. He is a man of action, and I think that action may affect him more than words ever could."

She had stored that information away. Now she would use it.

That night, by a single oil lamp, she prepared herself. She adjusted the neckline of her yokata once more, so that it lay just _so_, showing her curves in a way she was sure he had never seen. She did up her hair loosely, with a single pin, and she imagined him taking it out, her hair cascading around them, mingling with his silver. She went to rouge herself, but chose not to. She was already flushed, and that would look _too _suspicious. She blew out the oil lamp, and stood to go.

It seemed an eternity before she reached Sesshomaru's room, the room where she used to sleep. If things went well, she mused, she would be sleeping there again. She carefully slid the door open, not surprised to find him already awake and sitting up.

"I had a nightmare…" she lied calmly.

Sesshomaru stared at the vision from his dreams. She smelled neither of tears nor of fear. What she smelled of was much, much more dangerous. What was she doing, wearing her yokata like that?

When Sesshomaru said nothing but merely stared, Rin walked in, closing the door behind her. She walked to his bed, knelt down, and slid in next to him. Sesshomaru knew he was awake, but he tried to convince himself this was a dream, _just a dream_ as he put his arm around her comfortingly. She played along with her own little game for only a few moments. Once she was comfortable, she began to slowly slide her hand along his bare chest, to his neck and up along the side of his face, tracing his markings.

Something inside Sesshomaru gave way. This was not the young girl he had found himself strangely and disturbingly attracted to. This was not that skinny form that lay next to him, in _his bed _touching _his body_, but a woman, that much was obvious. He couldn't help but stare, his perfect eyesight affording him every detail in the dark. And she _wanted_ him. Everything about her screamed it, the way she dressed, the way she looked at him, the way she touched him, the way she smelled—_Kami _she smelled so good he thought he would die. And he wanted her. He had wanted her so badly for so long. He would give up his power, his land, _anything _to have her.

He caught her hand, making her gasp, and pressed her wrist against his lips softly, as if that would be enough. With that, it was as if something within him broke. He leaned over her, kissing her passionately, his fingers winding in her hair, his other hand pressing her to him _hard_. She cried out a little in surprise, and the sound sent a thrill through him. His heart thudded in his chest, she was his, his, _his_, and to hell with the consequences. He kissed down her neck, enraptured with the moan that elicited from her. He went lower, finding the tie of her yokata and pulling it away, parting the fabric to expose her to his attentions. The feel of her skin against his, her form in his hands was intoxicating. The sounds she made were like perfect music to his ears. Kami, it was worth it, worth anything, to do what they both wanted.

_Is it worth losing her? _A cruel part of his mind asked.

Sesshomaru made a choked sound, and quickly pulled himself away from her, turning away, trying to make the rush in his head stop. What was he doing??? He was so damn _stupid._ How could he have forgotten? He buried his face in his hands.

Rin was silent for a few moments, the shock of it not completely real yet. "Sesshomaru-sama…?" she said quietly, and he could hear her moving, and tried so, so hard not to think about the way she looked with her yokata untied. She knelt behind him, her hands on his shoulders. She leaned forward to hug him, and her breasts pressed against his bare back sending another of surge of desire through him.

"Are you alright?" she asked, nothing but concern in her voice.

Sesshomaru fought it desperately, loosing ground fast. It had to be that. It had always been her innocence, her damn _innocence _that had made her so tempting….

He snapped. She was on her back before she could even blink, his body covering the length of hers, his mouth on hers hard. He kissed her fiercely, hungrily, his hands claming her body vigorously. She cried out again as he tilted his hips into hers forcefully, the few layers of fabric between them not enough to hide his intentions. He tore his lips from hers, wanting to see her face, the way she responded to him.

She was scared. It stirred something primal in him, and he almost continued anyway. But it also woke him up. This time he stood, walking away from the bed with long strides. She was so shocked she couldn't speak. There was a minute of silence.

"Go back to your room," he commanded quietly but firmly, his voice sounding detestably father-like to her.

"Sesshomaru-sama… please…" she begged not to be rejected.

"No!" he said fiercely. "Do not ask this of me!" He turned his back to her, unable to look at her any longer. "Go!" he pointed to the door.

He commanded, and she obeyed. Clutching her yokata closed, she ran from the room, leaving the door open in her haste.

Sesshomaru collapsed to one knee, releasing a breath he didn't know he had been holding. The whole scene ran through his head again and again, and his heart sunk lower with each memory. His damn eagerness had almost cost him the one thing of value in his life. He stood at last, closing the door. He stumbled back to his bed, falling onto it. Instantly, he realized that the whole of his bed smelled of her, of her arousal, and his. His hand clutched on to something reflexively, and he looked to see that it was the tie from her yokata. He sighed heavily, and pressed the thin strip of material to his lips. He then buried his face in the futon, drinking every ounce of her scent in. He may not be able to have her, but that didn't mean he couldn't think about it. If this torture was all he could have, he would enjoy every painful, exquisite second of it.

It wasn't like he could sleep now anyway.

Rin retraced her steps through the house, calming as she went. She entered her room, closing the door behind her this time. Slowly, she sat on her bed. Her body still burned where he had touched her, and her lips felt oddly swollen. She put a hand to them, thinking.

_My first kiss…._

Something told her she should be sobbing now, terribly upset about his rejection. But somehow, she was oddly calm. Slowly, realization washed over her. He _wanted _her. He really did. Rather badly, if what had just happened meant anything. There was just something in the way, something he thought. It wasn't _her _that was the problem. If only she could figure out what it was….

_AN:_

_Squeeeeeeeeeee! Ok… so that was like my best lemony-freshness ever!!! I'm so proud of myself. Problem is, I'm having trouble living up to my own standards. So, I'm kinda stuck on the next chapter until the lemon fairy comes to visit my brain again._

_That's all I have for now, I'll post again as soon as I get the next chapter finished. Hope to hear from someone in that time…. (I just realized I've been addressing a fan base that doesn't _exist_ yet… boy am I crazy.) Comments, as always, are greatly appreciated._


	7. Chapter 6

_Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha, or any characters from that show. So sad._

The next few days were very awkward. Rin didn't see Sesshomaru often, she got the idea he went out a lot. They ate separately. When they did happen to cross paths in the house, she would blush, and he would look away. She wondered how long she would have to endure like this before she figured out a way to get to him.

One day, as she stared over the balcony at the incredible view of the valley below, she heard the sound of a throat being cleared. She turned around to find Momiji, an otter yokai who worked in the kitchens, holding a basket out to her. She shifted uncomfortably.

"Lord Sesshomaru is in the field to the north," she said. "We're very busy, and were wondering if you could be troubled to take his lunch out to him?"

Rin smiled. Well, it was good to know the servants were on her side. "That I could," she said happily and taking the basket.

Momiji patted her shoulder affectionately. "I packed something for you too," she whispered conspiratorially.

Rin grinned at her, and made her way out of the house, heading for the north field. It was late spring, and it was full of flowers. She would often go out and pick them, a habit she only rarely indulged in lately. It wasn't hard to find him, he was sitting on top of a boulder, studying some distant detail.

Sesshomaru came out here when he needed to escape _that house_. Her smell seemed to be everywhere, and to clear his head he sometimes needed to escape it. He couldn't bring himself to leave as he had before. Having her presence near was somehow soothing, despite the pain it caused him. When had he become such a masochist, he wondered? The winds shifted, and he could hear her coming through the wildflowers behind him.

"Brought you your lunch!" she said cheerily, trying to ignore the awkwardness. She opened the basket, and took out the first box, which smelled odd to her nose. She handed it to a silent Sesshomaru. Rin had learned long ago that Sesshomaru did not eat human food, but didn't like to think about what it was that he _did_ eat. She pulled out a second box, and found a blanket beneath. She spread the blanket out on a patch of grass and sat on it, opening her box to find fish, rice, and some spring onions. She began to eat, thinking about the first time she had met Sesshomaru, and brought him food.

Sesshomaru stared at the food she had brought him, and picked at it sparingly. He tried desperately to think about anything but her. He hoped she would finish her food and leave soon. To his dismay, when she had finished, she simply stretched out on the blanket. Perhaps she was waiting for him to finish? He closed the box, and handed it back to her. She simply put it in the basket with hers, and remained where she was. He sighed.

Rin studied Sesshomaru's profile. When she was a child, she had managed to discern the tiniest changes in his expression, and figure out what they meant. What she saw on his face now was both familiar and disappointing.

"You're thinking about Kagura, aren't you?" she asked sullenly.

Rin had guessed straight on. He had been thinking about the dead woman quite a lot in the last week, both as a distraction from thinking about Rin and as a reminder of why he couldn't have her. "And what if I am?" he asked coolly.

Rin bit her lip. He was right. What right did she have to decide what he should and shouldn't think? Maybe she should leave.

_No_, she thought,_ I'm tired of this._

"Why do you think about her so much, anyway?" she said, irritation creeping into her voice. "She's been dead for ages, and you never showed that much interest in her when she was alive, anyway!"

Sesshomaru did not respond except to turn away from her. _That's it! _She thought, and she stood, storming into his line of sight. He still would not look at her.

"Why do you have to pine after her?! I am right here!" she stormed towards him, until she was dangerously close. She dropped her voice. "You want me. I know you want me. What is wrong with me?? What did she have that I don't??? I am sick of living up to a dead woman!!"

He looked at her finally, narrowing his eyes. Good, she had struck something.

"It's not like that," he said dangerously.

She stepped away from him. "Oh, is it? And how am I supposed to know that? You don't tell me anything!! Hell, you didn't even tell me about Tenseiga until a few days ago! Were you just going to neglect telling me and leave me to wonder why there are so many strange things about me?? You're never going to tell me anything are you?!"

Sesshomaru made a disgusted sound and got off the rock, running a hand through his bangs. "You don't understand."

"Of course I don't understand," she said, tears welling up in her eyes. "You've left me completely in the dark, Sesshomaru. How am I supposed to understand anything?"

Great, now she was crying. "I'm just trying to protect you!" he said, a little desperation creeping into his voice.

"Protect me from what?!" she demanded.

He took hold of her shoulders, frustrated. "Don't you get it? Every woman who has ever loved me, who I have shown even the slightest interest in… Sara, Kagura, others… Every last one of them has died, Rin!! They died! And I can't stand to lose you again. Not for anything."

Rin stared at him silently for a moment, dumbstruck. And then she started to laugh; quietly, at first, and then louder, until she was nearly doubled over with it.

"Do not mock me!" Sesshomaru said, sounding more hurt than she had ever heard him.

"It's not that…" she calmed quickly, wiping tears from her eyes. "It's just… Sesshomaru-sama… I … I can't die!"

Now it was his turn to stare. "How? How do you know this?" he demanded.

She was calm now. "I tried to kill myself."

His eyes went wide. "When?"

She rubbed her arm absently, a little ashamed of her foolishness. "When I was 16. I thought you didn't want to be around me anymore. Hare Kari," she explained, touching her neck. "I didn't even bleed. But then I cut my finger, and it bled. And hurt."

Sesshomaru stared at her, dumbstruck.

"Don't you get it? You want me to stop aging, and so I do. Wouldn't it make sense then that if you didn't want me to die, I wouldn't? Could someone whose soul isn't in their body even die to begin with?" she asked.

"You mean… that you're immortal?" he asked, hoping against hope that it was true.

Rin shrugged. "Kagome says so. She seems to have some reason to know."

Sesshomaru stared at her a moment longer, and then she was in his arms, her form nearly crushed against his. "Thank the gods…" he murmured.

"Oh, Sesshomaru-sama" she murmured against his shirt. "I love you."

"You mean everything to me, Rin. I was so worried… I didn't know how much longer I could hold out, and I don't know what I would without you."

Rin giggled. "Well, you don't have to worry about that now, do you?" She smiled, and then looked a little puzzled. "Am I really that attractive?"

He kissed her in response, and the kiss quickly turned intense. They at last pulled away, catching their breath.

"Perhaps we should return to the house…" Rin suggested.

Sesshomaru's eyebrows shot up, and he glanced at the blanket. "Why wait that long?" he asked teasingly.

She blushed, and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Koishii," she said softly, trying on the affectionate, "we have an eternity."

He allowed himself a smile, unable to hide the joy he felt in his heart. "That we do."

They packed up the blanket and walked back to the house, hand in hand. When they came in sight of the front door, a servant darted inside. Soon after, the sound of distant cheering came from the vicinity of the kitchens.

"What is that all about?" he asked.

Rin smiled. "I had help." She lifted up the basket, indicating that it wasn't her idea.

Sesshomaru snorted delicately. "Some loyalty. My own servants, plotting against me."

Rin giggled. Sesshomaru's eyes suddenly shot open. "They didn't…"

She blushed, catching his drift. "No, that was my own plan." She paused a moment. "But your brother's suggestion that I act rather than speak to you about it."

Sesshomaru shook his head. "That little hanyou bastard. Should have known."

When they got to the house, there wasn't a servant in sight. They took their shoes off quickly, ignoring the slippers. Rin set the basket by the door, and followed Sesshomaru to his room in a sort of trance. When they opened the door, there was a large privacy screen a few feet away from them, blocking the view of the room. They stepped inside, and Sesshomaru closed the door, latching it. Once Rin walked around the screen, she gasped. The window had been closed, and sweet incense burned in the corner. They had found a larger futon somewhere, made for two people, and there next to Sesshomaru's head rest was hers. Next to the bed was a small table, which held a little bowl of oil being warmed over a candle. Flower petals were strewn all over the floor.

"Hn." Sesshomaru said appreciatively as he came around the screen. "It would appear they have thought of everything." The servants had definitely redeemed themselves in his mind.

Rin blushed profusely, and Sesshomaru struggled not to smile about it. He took her hand and kissed it. He then led her to stand beside the bed. He kissed her softly, and she sighed contentedly. It seemed so surreal to him, that after so long she was finally not forbidden to him. He stopped kissing her, and gently convinced her to turn her back to him.

Rin bit her lip as Sesshomaru carefully undid her obi. He admired it fondly, realizing that she would have to change it. The message had not been lost on him all these years. He untied it anyway, hearing her small intake of breath.

"You are nervous," he observed, his keen sense of smell making it obvious.

Rin smiled. "A little…"

Sesshomaru began to unwind the obi, affording him the opportunity to whisper in her ear. "You were not nervous last week…" he murmured.

She blushed profusely, and he enjoyed the way it made her scent headier. "I was desperate!" she said.

He chuckled. He would just have to make her desperate again. He carefully laid the obi aside, and she turned around to face him, still nervous. The look in his eyes gave her confidence, though. He still wanted her just as badly. He slid the kimono she wore off her shoulders slowly, not letting it drop on the floor. He laid it near the obi, and then he walked onto the bed, encouraging her to kneel next to him, facing the opposite direction. Rin was confused for a moment, and then realized it made kissing him much easier. She did so, and Sesshomaru almost chuckled at her eagerness.

She wound her fingers in his hair, years of pent-up longing rushing out. Sesshomaru responded fully, and with a skill that surprised her, silently reminding her that she was dealing with no inexperienced young boy. Clearly, he knew what he was doing. He moved his mouth against hers hungrily, demanding, and Rin felt herself collapsing beneath it, blissfully. When she felt as if she would suffocate, she pulled back, but Sesshomaru did not stop. Instead he kissed her jaw and neck, tasting her skin and making her shiver.

"Sesshomaru-sama…" she murmured, her eyelids heavy with passion. She gasped a little, though, as he placed a hand on each shoulder and deftly opened her yokata, much in the same way she had worn it when she had attempted—and nearly succeeded—to seduce him. Her head swam, and she felt faint and yet grounded, her body making it very clear exactly what it wanted. He stopped kissing her though, and she tried to kiss him instead.

"Wait…" Sesshomaru pressed a few fingers to her eager lips. "Let me look at you…"

She smiled and blushed a little, making her image perfect. _I will choose now,_ he thought, _before I can't think clearly_. He studied the curve of her neck and shoulder, ivory flowing like a river of soft muscles. Where would be the best place to leave his mark? His father's had been hidden far onto his mother's shoulder, and he had only rarely seen it. His brother, probably too hasty to think about it beforehand, had left his in an obvious place, high on Kagome's neck and a ways behind her ear. Her hair hid it mostly, but it was occasionally a point of embarrassment for her, especially when she ran into yokai who knew what it meant.

He somehow doubted Rin would be embarrassed, but still. He should choose a place where she could cover it, if needed, but show it off if she wished. _There,_ he thought, and brushed a few fingers on the spot just where her neck and shoulder joined. It would be mostly covered by a modest kimono, but easy to see if one knew what to look for.

His decision made, he let his fingers trail downwards a little, but Rin caught his hand before he could untie her yokata. "Now that's not fair," she said coyly. "You've still got everything on…"

Sesshomaru smirked, and obligingly let Rin do the work. She kissed his neck, shyly at first, and worked her way down, sliding the silk shirt off of the cotton yokata-shirt. She was about to work the same magic on the cotton when she paused, picking something up.

"What is this?" she turned the thin strip of material over in her hands, it looked familiar. When Sesshomaru did not answer she looked up. She blinked; surely her eyes were mistaken, but was that the tiniest hint of a blush on the great lord of the west's implacable visage?

He cleared his throat. "It's the tie… from your yokata… from last week…" he looked away from her, a hand absently running through his hair.

Rin stared at him a moment longer, blinking, and then grinned. She had never imagined he was such a romantic. She laughed, clear and kind, and then threw her arms about his neck, catching him off balance and surprised. They fell to the bed in a flood of kisses, and Sesshomaru chuckled a little as well. The kisses slowly melted from playful to sensuous, slow and perfect. She slid her hands under his yokata shirt, pushing it off his shoulders and down. At last she broke the kiss, pulling back to look, blushing a little. He gazed into Rin's eager face, and tenderly brushed a few fingers against her cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned into his hand, sighing. "I love you Sesshomaru…" she said dreamily.

He smiled, fingering one of the pins in her hair. After a moment, he kissed her a few times before drawing away again. He carefully pulled one pin from her hair, and then the other, laying them aside. He then slowly pulled out the comb, watching as her hair fell from its confines, pooling about her bare shoulders and falling around his face like a curtain. He kissed her again, his hand cupping her cheek, and sliding back to wind his fingers in her loosened hair. She moaned a little, and the suddenly Rin found herself on her back, Sesshomaru kissing her vigorously.

He stopped after a moment, and shrugged his yokata shirt the rest of the way off, propping himself on an elbow next to her. She lay there, uncertain, her cheeks flushed and her lips full from kissing. Sesshomaru finally untied her yokata, pushing the fabric aside slowly, watching hungrily as she shivered. She pulled her arms from the sleeves, and reached up to wind her arms about his neck. He obliged, groaning as their skin made contact. She was so soft, so perfect, and _Kami_ he loved the way she smelled. He buried his face in her neck, breathing deeply and kissing the spot he had chosen. He wanted her _now_, they were so close….

"Sesshomaru…" she murmured sweetly, and a cautious hand traveled down to his hakama, fumbling with the tie. He smiled against her skin, and kissed down her shoulder and lower, stopping only for a moment to push off the offending article of clothing before returning to his attentions. His hand returned to cup her breast, his thumb teasing her nipple to attention as he slowly kissed around the other. Rin mewled, and reflexively arched against him, her fingers winding in his hair. He continued to nibble and lick as his hand slid slowly down her stomach to slide her undergarment off her hips, and she distractedly kicked them the rest of the way off.

"Rin…" he whispered as he kissed back up her neck. She was breathing quickly, her bottom lip between her teeth and her eyes shut.

"Sesshomaru…" she moaned "Oh, please…" cautiously, she tilted her hips down a little, dangerously close. He smiled. He couldn't help it, she wanted him so bad, and that pleased him very much. He kissed her slowly, sensuously for a moment, and then whispered in her ear.

"Promise you'll stay with me," he crooned in her ear.

"Oh, yes, of course…" she begged.

"That you won't go to any other man."

She shook her head. "Never, I would never."

"That you'll give me whatever I want."

"Anything. Everything. Please…" she was desperate.

He paused a moment more, savoring it. Rin kissed his neck, and then his ear, and as she whispered her soft lips brushed against it. "Sesshomaru," she said slowly, "Do you want me?"

Sesshomaru closed his eyes. "Yes…" at last he gave way to his own torture and moved forward, pressing into her slick warmth, groaning. She gasped, and arched hard against his form, her fingernails digging harmlessly into his back. At the same moment, he closed his mouth around the place he had chosen, and sunk his teeth into her flesh. She cried out at that, but it was not entirely in pain. He tasted her blood, hot and salty, and drew back. He licked the wound languorously, a smirk plastered to his face. He kissed up her neck, and then leaned his forehead against hers.

"You are mine now." He said simply, loving the sound of it. Rin simply closed her eyes and smiled. Slowly, he began to move within her, eliciting a sweet moan from her lips. He kissed her, held her, claimed her, loved her with everything he had.

At some point, Rin had stopped thinking the word _yes_ repeatedly and stopped thinking altogether. She was lost to Sesshomaru, to the things he was doing to her, to the way he made her feel. The book Kagome had given her had made it all so cut and dry, and this was beyond anything she could have imagined. She felt as if she was spiraling upward, and the farther she went the more she felt as if she would die, but she could hardly care it felt so good.

Sesshomaru began to move faster, drawing closer himself. It surprised him how well she pleased him, inexperienced as she was. She brought to it an innocence, and an earnestness that was somehow very alluring. When she begged for more, it was no ploy to spur him on, she _wanted _more. And beg she did, feeding his ego and his appetite, and he, of course, obliged. At last he felt he could wait no longer.

"Rin…" he whispered hoarsely. "Oh, Kami, Rin…"

"Sesshomaru…" she mewled, and then suddenly she went still, her eyes widening. "Oh!" she cried, as if surprised, and she threw her head back as she arched hard enough against him to lift her back off the bed. "Oh, Sesshomaru!!"

Sesshomaru swore affectionately as she tightened around him forcefully, sending him over the edge. He pushed deep into her, his hand pressing the small of her back, and spilled. He collapsed against her, and he could feel her heart fluttering in her chest like a frightened bird. She convulsed a moment longer, clinging to him tightly, gasping for air.

"Kami, Sesshomaru…" she whispered, and giggled. She had never sworn before.

He smiled a little, and repeatedly kissed the wound on her neck. After a little while, he carefully withdrew from her, and lay on his side beside her. She curled up next to him, and he discreetly removed her bloodstained yokata from the bed. He would have to have the back cut out, and keep it somewhere special….

Rin sighed deeply. _At last_, she thought. Finally, she was exactly where she belonged. She fingered the cut on her shoulder, smiling. She had seen Kagome's, and even though no one had explained, she had guessed correctly. She would treasure this little scar forever. She could hardly believe she finally _belonged _to him, and reveled over it. Strange, she had always been independent, but it just felt _right._ She sighed again, and wrapped an arm around Sesshomaru.

Sesshomaru pensively kissed the top of her head. The words that lingered in his mind seemed too much and too little, and yet he knew he should say them. And so he would say them, just this once, maybe. Maybe. "I love you," he whispered.

Rin froze for a moment. Had he just said that? She had always known that it was true, but she had never expected him to say it. She smiled, and appreciated it all the more. "I love you too, Sesshomaru."

He smiled a little, and played with a lock of hair that was draped across her neck. "Sleep, my love," he murmured, and kissed her lips once.

She nodded, and snuggled against him a little before drifting off.

_A/N:_

_YAY!!!!! I finally wrote it!!! And, if I may say so, I am quite proud of it. Huge thanks to my hubby for helping me. (Now, ladies, don't I have a fantastic husband who helps me with my lemon?? .) And thanks to Barry Manilow for the second half of "Could it be Magic." Man, that song was a lifesaver for inspiration!_

_Well, I don't know when I'll get any more up, but at least I got this out finally! As always, I love to hear from you guys. Tell me what you think!!!_


	8. Chapter 7

Over the next three days, the room became their entire world. The screen proved immensely useful, as loyal and unobtrusive servants would leave meals for them behind it at the proper times. The empty dishes left there would be quietly removed. They were left completely alone, and they more than took advantage of it. One day ran into the next, until they could imagine that there was nothing more to life than sleep, lovemaking and pillow talk.

But alas, though they had forgotten the world, it still went on outside of those four walls. Sesshomaru kept saying that he was going to leave, and then she would pout, and he would notice how cute it was, and he would kiss her pout, and then…. Next thing he knew he was exhaustedly enjoying the afterglow, the sleeping Rin keeping a tight hold on him even though she was unconscious.

One late morning they lay together, limbs entwined, after a somewhat less-taxing-than-usual fling. Sesshomaru was once again saying he should leave, and Rin was protesting.

He covered the entirety of her lips repeatedly with small, delicate kisses. "I have…" kiss, "to go," kiss.

"No…" she whined.

Kiss, kiss. "Yes," kiss, "because I have…" kiss, "things I need…" kiss, "to do."

Rin halted the kisses with a wry grin. "Other than me?" she said incredulously.

He scowled playfully at her, and then chuckled. "Yes."

She sighed ruefully. "I'm so jealous."

He buried his face her neck and she sighed, drifting off to dreams as pleasant as waking.

When she awoke, he was gone. She sighed heavily. Well, she supposed it had to end sometime. It wasn't as if it would never happen again. She grinned to herself, and sat up, surveying the total disarray that had surrounded them. Then she looked at herself.

"Ugh…" she said to the room in general, running a hand through her tangled hair. "I need a bath." She got up, her legs feeling considerably wobbly. Walking across the room proved very interesting for several reasons. One, her sense of balance seemed to be completely thrown off, and two, the amount of … activity she had participated in lately made the sensation of her legs rubbing together both painful and distracting.

She looked around for her clothes, and couldn't seem to find her yokata. Oh well, she was going straight to a bath anyway. She slipped on her kimono and didn't tie the obi into anything at all, just a knot to keep it from slipping. It was about all she could do on herself, and thankfully no servants popped out of the walls to help her.

Jaken walked down the hallways, having returned from a long journey to one of Sesshomaru's more distant allies. He couldn't for the life of him imagine why Sesshomaru was in such a good mood. When he had greeted him around noon he seemed almost jovial. Jaken hadn't seen him like that since they had brought down Naraku. He had even allowed Jaken to rest up a bit and change before meeting with him to discuss his journey.

He had done so, and now he was heading for Sesshomaru's office. He ran over everything in his mind, preparing himself for the meeting.

All that was erased as he turned the corner and nearly ran into a very disheveled looking Rin.

"Oh, gomen," she said absentmindedly.

Rin could have passed for a sleepwalker if she didn't have a lazy smile plastered on her face.

"Rin!" Jaken scolded. "What on earth are you wearing? And your hair is a mess! What has gotten into you?"

Rin giggled, she couldn't help it. Jaken. Right. He had been gone, hadn't he? How to explain this…. _Oh, that's right…_ she thought.

Rin smiled a little and pulled back the one side of her kimono collar, exposing the still-fresh wound.

Jaken was possessed of a very large pair of eyes, but Rin could swear they nearly doubled. "W-w-whaaaaaaat???" Jaken demanded.

The door next to them, which led to Sesshomaru's study, opened to reveal an interested Lord of the West.

"Sesshomaru-sama!! Explain to me why—mph!" Sesshomaru trod neatly on the little toad's head and went directly to kiss Rin.

"You're awake," he said teasingly.

She laughed and nodded. "I'm gonna go take a bath," she offered.

He nodded, trying very hard not to smile. "Your hair does need work…"

She pretended to be upset. "Well, it's your fault…"

Sesshomaru tilted his head a little. "Gomen."

Jaken stared at him. Had he just _apologized? _Surely he was hallucinating….

Rin smiled, blushing. "Nah, Suki will help me with it." She kissed him once more and moved on down the hallway.

Jaken stared in disbelief as Rin walked—no _sauntered_ away. It couldn't be… it just couldn't be….

"Are you giving me that report or not?" Sesshomaru asked in his don't-make-me-threaten-to-kill-you-again voice.

Jaken yelled in surprise. "Yes, Lord Sesshomaru! Of course!!"

_Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha, or any characters from that show. So sad._

_AN:_

_Am I horrible for crushing Jaken's spirit? Nah, I think that's what he's there for. _

_I am aware Sess is a little out of Character. Men tend to be when infatuated, and he's trying to make a point to Jaken. Don't worry, he hasn't gone soft by any stretch of the imagination._

_Thank you so much for all your wonderful comments! I really wish you guys would read my original stuff, though, because I put most of my talent and efforts into it, this stuff is really for fun and so I don't put much skill into it._

_For action I suggest _**Memoirs of a Mercenary**:

for romance AND action I suggest **Kazemaru & Miharu**:

**Mercenary** will have lemon later on, I wouldn't exactly describe it as… romance… heh.


	9. Chapter 8

_Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha or anyone else from that show, so sad. But Satsuki is MINE, lol._

Once Rin became accustomed to the daily bliss of her new life, she realized she was dying to tell Kagome. But this just wasn't the sort of thing you wrote in a letter. Over a light lunch, she broke the idea to Sesshomaru.

He tilted his head a little. "Surely you aren't lonely?" he asked.

She shook her head vigorously. "No, of course not," she laughed lightly. "It's just, she's my friend, and…" she prodded her rice a little, trying to think how to explain it. "Well, it just doesn't seem real until I tell her."

He accepted this without hesitation. "Perhaps you would like to visit them instead? It has been a while since you left the mansion."

He was right, it had been almost a year since she had gone anywhere. She hadn't really minded much, since Kagome and Sango, and sometimes even Kohaku's wife Akami would visit, and she wanted for nothing in her own home. But when she thought about it, there was a part of her that missed the adventure of wandering across the country with Sesshomaru.

"Do you miss your travels?" Rin asked, following her thoughts to their conclusion.

Sesshomaru's face lightened, his pleasure at her understanding obvious. He nodded. "Though I have taken up my father's reign, I do sometimes feel… nostalgic for those years."

She smiled. She had noticed that he hadn't left here either, and she thought she knew why. "Well, I would be more than happy to accompany you. You may have spoiled me for years," she teased pointedly, "But I still remember what it's like to sleep under the stars. I'd like to think I can manage."

He nodded. It was final then. He would leave the house in the servants' hands, they were capable and loyal. His alliances were secure and he had either defeated his enemies or negotiated out of any rivalries. It was time for him to enjoy his life again.

Rin was right—sleeping under the stars was as wonderful as she remembered. And while she hadn't let high living go to her head, apparently it had gone to her body. She found she could not walk as far as she would like, and her feet, legs, and back would protest before long. She wore a simple Yokata to simplify things, and tied her hair low down to keep it out of her way. After a few days of having to take a rest every few hours, Sesshomaru decided it would be best if he just flew them to his brother's village. Though embarrassed, Rin was very grateful to see at least the first leg of their journey completed.

As they touched down outside of the little village, Rin couldn't help but be reminded of the time that Sesshomaru had unceremoniously dumped her on Kagome and Sango the week of her first period. Although it had been confusing and upsetting at the time, Rin, remembering it now, thought it was quite funny. As they began to walk toward the village, carefully and slowly, lest any of the villagers not remember them and feel threatened, InuYasha came out of a hut and waved to them.

"What are you guys doing here?" he asked in lieu of a greeting.

"So polite," Sesshomaru murmured under his breath.

"Just visiting! Is Kagome here?" By this time they had reached the small house, and InuYasha lifted the bamboo curtain that served as a door.

"Sure come on in," He smiled proudly as if he knew something they didn't.

"Rin!" Kagome said, surprised, and stood up, leaving her cooking pot.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Kagome, I didn't mean to interrupt your meal," Rin said.

"It's no problem, I made extras anyway, in case Sango and her family came back early."

"Are they out on business?" Rin asked as Kagome pulled her into a friendly hug. She was about to ask another question when she noticed something. She pulled back and looked at Kagome carefully. She didn't want to be rude, so she carefully looked at Kagome's wrists and cheeks, which were still as perfectly slender as ever. That meant that the slight bulge in her stomach was….

"Oh, Kagome," Rin breathed, immensely happy and jealous at the same time.

Kagome grinned sheepishly and glanced at InuYasha, who was leaning against the wall, a smug grin plastered on his face. She rested her hand against her stomach, a familiar and eternal gesture of those in her condition. "It gets harder to hide all the time," she joked.

"Can I touch it?" Rin asked, her hand already held out. Everyone knew it was good luck to touch a pregnancy.

Kagome laughed. "Of course. You can't really feel anything yet, though."

Rin rubbed the small bulge with a sense of wonder. "When?" she asked.

Kagome laughed louder. "Why are those always the first two questions?"

Rin laughed as well, and they began to chatter about details.



InuYasha caught Sesshomaru's eye and headed out the door. Sesshomaru followed. Once outside, InuYasha found a tree to lean against and Sesshomaru sat on a rock protruding from a natural ridge in the ground.

"I can only take so much fawning before it starts to irritate me," he explained.

Sesshomaru nodded. "Congratulations," he said simply.

"Thanks," InuYasha replied.

They were quiet a moment, and Sesshomaru mulled something over in his head. "It may be rude to ask this…" he said slowly, "but one rarely hears of quarter-demons. I was under the impression that it was not possible. Especially with a former Miko."

InuYasha laughed. "So was I. But, you know, there's that one night where I lose all my powers," he shrugged. "Apparently, for that one night, I really am human."

"Ah," Sesshomaru said simply. "So the child…"

"Will probably be mostly human, yeah. That's what Kagome says. She thinks the kid might be a little stronger than usual, have a better sense of smell, that sort of thing, but for all appearances they'll be human."

Sesshomaru thought about that a moment. "Considering the company you keep, I suppose that's for the best."

InuYasha rolled his eyes. "Well, thanks so much for your approval," he joked, then quickly changed the subject to avoid backlash. "I understand congratulations are in order for you as well," he said suggestively.

Sesshomaru allowed himself a brief shadow of InuYasha's earlier smug grin. "Indeed. It is good to know your nose is still working," he jibed back.

"Are you scared?" Rin asked quietly.

Kagome smiled sadly as she stirred the pot. "A little. But in my world, we have much better healers. It's very rare for a woman to die in childbirth. It's also a lot safer for the baby, so I'm going to have it there," she explained.

Rin looked impressed. Personally, she worried little about her own chances, as she was immortal and hanyou babies were notoriously strong. "Well, I wish you the best of luck," she said kindly, and leaned back, thinking.



Kagome studied her a moment. "But you would have had no way of knowing I was pregnant," she suddenly realized. "You must have had some other reason for coming."

Rin gave a sheepish look. "Well, Sesshomaru has pretty much settled his ruling, and wanted to travel again for a while…" she began.

Kagome tilted her head in a knowing way. "There's something else, though, isn't there? You seem… happier."

Rin gave in and smiled. "Is it really that obvious? Well, now that you've totally outdone my good news…." She pulled back the collar of her yokata to show her the new scar.

Kagome's eyes widened, and then she smiled. "I'm so happy for you. Sorry to ruin your surprise," she teased.

Rin laughed. "No, it's alright. Just… unexpected."

Kagome grinned. "Yes, quite." They were quiet a moment longer, Kagome vaguely sensing Rin's jealousy and wondering how to deal with it. She had experienced the same emotion from other women she knew who were old enough to want children but had not yet conceived. It was even worse from those who had been pregnant, but never given live birth. But while Rin's jealousy appeared stronger than usual, she didn't think that was why. Perhaps because they were family?

"Have you thought about having children with Sesshomaru?"

Rin looked out the small window, frowning a little. "Well, we've only been… together for a few weeks, but I thought about it even before hand."

Kagome nodded. "Well, that's only normal. When I was little, I once had this really bad crush on one of my friend's brother. I would write my name with his family name over and over, and imagined how many kids we would have and what they would look like," she laughed. "But it's different when it's a possibility, isn't it?"

Rin hesitated, but nodded. "It's… complicated. She rubbed her lower stomach, mimicking Kagome's earlier action. "I'm not sure I can," she explained.

"Hmm." Kagome stared at the pot. She already knew of their son's existence, so she chose not to comment.

"Even if I could," she sighed and looked away from the window. "I'm not sure Sesshomaru would want it."

Kagome frowned at this. It was likely true. It had probably cost Sesshomaru much in pride to fall in love with and mate a human. But to have a hanyou child… Kagome imagined that might be on the border of insulting. Even if he did wish to have a child with Rin, the complicated 

and difficult life of a hanyou might deter him further. "Well… he might think that now, but if you were to have a child, I'm sure he would be absolutely thrilled. They say a woman becomes a mother when she finds out she's pregnant, but a man becomes a father when he first sees his child."

Rin brightened a little. "That's probably true…" but then her face darkened. "The only problem is with Tenseiga. Judging by other things, I won't conceive unless Sesshomaru expressly wishes it."

The older woman frowned a little. "Well… that little scar is proof that you can change his mind if you put yourself to it," she offered. "By the way, did you ever find out what his objection was? Was it just because you were human?"

She shook her head. "I think after a certain point he didn't care anymore. No, he thought he had some kind of curse because every time he showed interest in a woman they died. Sort of an ironic consequence of the bad blood between him and his father, I think." She grinned, "But he didn't know I can't die. When he found out, that was the end of that." She nodded firmly, as if to put a cap on the topic.

Kagome smiled, glad to see Rin back out of her strange mood. "So you and Sesshomaru are travelling?"

Rin sighed heavily. "Yes, and I'm very happy to be going with him, but apparently I'm not in as good of shape as I was when I was seven," she laughed. "I can't keep up with him anymore."

"What about that dragon you used to ride on?" Kagome offered.

"Ah-Un? I miss him. Sesshomaru gave him as a gift to form an alliance. I was sad to see him go, but he was just getting fat sitting around the mansion."

"Hmmm…. Well, Sango might actually have a solution for you when she gets back. I don't want to make decisions for her, so I won't say anymore. She should be back tomorrow, or the day after at the latest. I don't know how long you were hoping to stay…"

"Oh, at least that long," Rin offered. "I wouldn't miss Sango for the world. If Sesshomaru gets bored, he'll just wander off for a while. Besides, I think as part of his travels he means to go around killing things for fun again, and I'm fairly sure he doesn't want me there for that."

"Understandably," Kagome said, remembering with a shudder that at one time, _she_ had been on Sesshomaru's list. Fortunately, the list had been much longer back then. "I imagine InuYasha might like to go with him. He's been… well, sort of restless lately. I think it bothers him that he can't really do much to help me at this point."



That launched them into a conversation about InuYasha's antics, which lasted until supper. InuYasha and Sesshomaru wandered in at the appropriate time, their noses guiding them, and Shippo likewise showed up out of nowhere. He was quickly sent back out the door, though.

"Go fetch Satsuki," Kagome instructed, waving a ladle at the kitsune, who now resembled a young boy more than a toddler.

"Aw, do I have to? You know she hates me," he whined.

"She must learn to trust you, and discern between good and bad demons," she explained, sounding like it was the hundredth time.

"Right, I'm just part of her training. Shippo rolled his eyes and left looking dejected.

"It would appear," Sesshomaru offered, "That you are already prepared for parenting." He meant it as a joke, but Kagome savored the rare compliment.

Eventually Shippo could be heard outside the house, talking to a silent party. "Come _on_ Satsuki, what is your problem?" There was a quiet sound. "Oh, that's Sesshomaru. He's pretty powerful but I don't think he'd kill you in front of Kagome," he teased. Obviously that was a poor decision, as it was followed by a squeal and the pattering of footsteps. A moment later Shippo came through the door, carrying Satsuki on his back. It was a humerous image, as Satsuki was a good bit larger than him.

Kagome frowned at him. "I told you not to do that."

Shippo sighed and set Satsuki down. "She wasn't going to stop running, I could tell."

Kagome took one look at the frozen, ashen Satsuki and let it go. "Please forgive Satsuki," she said calmly to Sesshomaru. "I believe this is the first time she has been exposed to such powerful jyaki as yours since her parents were killed. I've been training her as a miko since Kaede died, since I cannot perform ceremonies officially. Come, Satsuki, sit down." She patted the mat next to her, but Satsuki didn't move.

"I will not harm you, child," Sesshomaru offered, but it came out more sternly than he meant.

Rin, who was sitting closest to the door, reached up and put a hand to Satsuki's. The girl flinched, then looked down at Rin in confusion. "But… you're human," she said slowly.

Rin frowned at Kagome, who mouthed "jyaki" at her. Rin nodded. "Yes, I am. The jyaki you sense is Sesshomaru-sama's."

To her credit, Satsuki was quick. She was also tactful enough to only look surprised, and hide most of her disgust. "He won't hurt me?" she asked, trusting her nonetheless.



Rin shook her head. "Here's a lesson for you. What kind of demon do you suppose Lord Sesshomaru is?"

Satsuki studied Sesshomaru a moment, and then looked at InuYasha. "Inu Tai Yokai," she reasoned. She had probably heard at some point that InuYasha had a full-demon brother and put the pieces together.

"Correct. Now, Inu Tai Yokai are big on honor, more so than some humans. So if Sesshomaru-sama says he won't hurt you, you can trust his word. But he is Lord of the Western Lands, so you do owe him some respect for this offer."

Suddenly Satsuki seemed to snap out of her terror. She bowed very low to Sesshomaru, and introduced herself formally. "Thank you for your… mercy…" she managed to grind out, "and I apologize for any offense."

"None taken," Sesshomaru nodded regally, and Rin tried to hide a smile. She knew that abject terror was in fact a high compliment in his book.

Satsuki sat down _very_ close to Kagome, and helped her dole out the meal. The rest of the evening went well, and Rin couldn't help but smile to be surrounded by friends once more.

_AN_

_Hello! I am not dead. Sorry I've been absent for so very long, but you know how life is. I've graduated from college, moved to another state (and soon will be moving back, and then back here again 7 months later… shakes fist at military But I am making an effort to write more on my stories. Now that I'm not in school, it's important for me to keep practicing, so I will be working on my fanfictions in addition to my sellable work. Much thanks to Kira1592 on deviantArt for begging so much to continue this story that I couldn't help but oblige. And a big apology to all my fans for my long absence. Hope you like the way the story is going!_


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